"I'm redesigning my blog," I said to Michael on a particularly beautiful day, a day I'd chosen to say it. We were walking briskly across the Union Street Bridge, on our way to Park Slope, to go to a friend's daughter's christening.
"Why?" he asked.
I had my reasons of which I rattled off, as if preparing for a job interview.
"Well, it's been four years on Tumblr. I'm tired of my template. It's too fixed. I can't modify it in creative enough ways. I want people to comment. I want a site that I can look at and like looking at. I want a space to write in that inspires me to write. A space where I can see everything in front of me. I just need a change."
"Okay," he said.
I hate Michael's "Okays." Okay? Okay? It made me feel like I had more to prove.
"Also..." I said, starting to sound a lot like someone desperate to teach a lesson. "I take written histories very seriously. Not everyone can be an oral storyteller. Not everyone can remember the days in and the days out of their short, little lifespans. Life moves pretty fast, did you know that? If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. Did you know that? And do you know who said that? John Hughes. Well, John Hughes wrote it. Ferris Bueller said it. Matthew Broderick. I think it's important that one of us, me, pen the history of our life together, of our relationship, our marriage, our faults and our fights, so that our children and our children's children can read written accounts of who we are, who we were, who we became, what we did, where we went, what we loved, what we hated, how we felt, and how we died. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
I hate Michael's "Sortas." Sorta? Sorta?
"I think your blog is something that makes you happy, and if it makes you happy then you should find all the ways to continue blogging," he says.
Human beings are not rational, but rationalizing animals. I don't have to rattle off a list of reasons as to why I am making change. If I believe the change to be in my best interest, then that's why I'm making it. I've been writing in diaries since the 80s / journaling in notebooks since the 90s / blogging online since the 00s. It's my favorite outlet, my favorite form of exercise. It's not always fun to do, but it's always fun to have done it.
And he's right. It makes me happy.